Grumpy Today!!!

I feel guilty about being a bit grumpy today - there is no real reason other than a crappy week at work and a few little life hiccups to top it off - but nothing worthy of being a bit grumpy. You know when you have a knot in your stomach? Mine is sitting like a dark shadow that refuses to budge. I tried to be good and went to bed early last night, didn't drink any alcohol and then got up and went to a body combat class at the gym this morning. I snarled, sweated, punched and kicked my way through an hour and really gave it a 100%. Then I had a lovely spontaneous chat to a woman in the dressing room afterward, came home, had a good lunch and lay on the sunroom sofa and read the paper for an hour. So what's going on?

I think it may be writing. I always get a bit grim when writing feels out of control. At the moment my day job is consuming me and I'm resenting that. I feel like the intensity of it has taken me by surprise and I haven't had a chance to get all the little boxes of my life realigned to suit this turn of events. I don't mind my day job as a rule but it has suddenly got more demanding and I've had to go to endless meetings and my writing hermit is feeling a bit out of kilter. I think that's what it is.

I have the urge to spring clean my study but I'm not sure if this is a displacement activity or a genuine attempt to get my 'house' in order and then do a plan of action for the next few weeks. I hate feeling unsettled like this - maybe that's a better term for it. I'm not really grumpy just unsettled. I'll try and write for a bit and then tidy the study. Then I'll have a glass of wine and a piece of choccy as a reward. Feeling better already!

Short Stories

I'm being a glutton about short stories recently and have just received the anthology of the Bridport prize and am part way through the Asham prize one also. A perfect short story is a delightful thing - a bit like eating just one chocolate out of the box and savouring it. I'm writing a couple at the moment and think it was in the mid nineties when I last wrote one. I'd forgotten what a craft it is and am really enjoying the discipline of saying a lot with a few words - well at last that's what I hope I'm doing! I am aiming to be brave enough to enter a few comps this year.

My favourite short story writer of all time is Raymond Carver - his command of brevity is staggering. Every time I reread one of his I am blown away by the beauty of the stories even when the subject is bleak.

Any recommendations on the short story front from fellow readers/writers?

Living on the Coast

It's bliss living on the South Coast at the moment - sun is forever shinning and it's warm. I feel rather smug when talking to Aussie family and friends and they are shivering in front of a heater - well maybe that's a bit of exaggerating. I was up in London y'day and had to take the tube - what an ordeal. Thought I was going to suffocate - it was so lovely to get back on the train and head back down to the coast - I was feeling smug again.

I've rediscovered the short story after years of favouring novels. I'd forgotten how delicious and compact they are when delivered with a skilled eye and wit. Current bedside reads are: Is this what you want? The Asham short story award winners collection, Journeys - Modern Australian short stories and Leading the Dance by Sarah Salway.

Off to consume a short story in the garden in the sun on the lovely south coast!!!!

Things to be grateful for...

I'm wondering at the moment if my working life could actually get any busier and I'm in danger of throwing a 'passive postal' where instead of arriving at work armed with a sawn off shot gun I come with a yoga mat and position myself in the middle of the open plan office and spend the day chanting whilst striking a dog pose. I shall refuse to work or move until my chakras are balanced and I am in a zen like state with a heart rate so low I could be an elite athlete.

Yes well the last bit is definitely fantasy. After another hectic day at work I decided to take the opposite approach of what I really wanted to do which was come home, get into pyjamas, commandeer TV remote and ring for take away. Oh no I went to the gym. I dragged my weary body there, ignored its tears and protests and went to a Swiss ball class...and this is what I was grateful for...Elle McPherson does not come to my Swiss ball class. I could be my flabby little self in a room full of bodies not dissimilar to my own. There were no supermodel like Gazelles with legs that need a room to themselves - just all normal women in a variety of outfits. That is a good thing when you feel under par.

I had a fraudster moment at the end though. I went to the nice cafe in the foyer of the gym and ordered a salad to take away. The hunky man who served me said would you like anything else with that as though he couldn't quite believe that anyone could exist just on a salad. I fluttered my weary eyelashes at him and said 'No thanks, that's all.' What he didn't know is that I needed the salad to go with the garlic bread and pizza I already had in the fridge!!! I'm off to enjoy it and commandeer the remote...Bliss!

Accidental Carnivore

We went to our lovely local pub last week for 'curry' night. The menu was tantalising and reasonably priced - the atmosphere was warm and buzzy, conversation was great, wine was chilled - what more could you ask for of a night out? I ordered a veggie curry which sounded divine - I'm not a curry connoisseur and on the plate the food was jumbled together and looked and smelt yummy. I was munching away for quite some time then bit into...still distresses me to say it...a mouthful of beef!!!! For the carnivores in the world that probably would have been welcome but I haven't eaten any red meat for about 20 years as I don't like it.

My family tell me that my face contorted into a grimace and I whispered...beef...beef...I've just eaten beef. Husband kindly removed the fork from my frozen hand - midway between mouth and plate and he and daughter did a taste test and actually tried to fib to make me feel better - 'No, no it's not beef - just...just...strong tasting eggplant.' As if. I sat in shock for about 10minutes until a fresh glass of wine was in my hand shortly followed by a dish of chocolate ice cream - then and only then did I relax again.

The staff were very nice about it and I'm sure I was secretly awarded the neurotic customer of the week badge. Ah well. I did manage to finish a short story and submit to a competition - so the week finished on a high after the mid week culinary blip. I shall have to dine out like a royal of old from now on and bring my own living, breather taster - not to check for poison - just beef!

In need of a sorting coach

We had an amazing winter wonderland for 24hours over the weekend. We had planned to garden but as you can see there was no hope of that!

I'm having one of those days where I feel like I will NEVER EVER have a house free of washing that needs attention -either it's waitng to be washed, dried, folded, ironed or put away. One part of my brain is in sorting mode but I seem to have run out of steam. I tried sorting photos as I don't think I've put anything into an album since 1999. I made a start and then faltered at the first hurdle when I couldn't remember which xmas I was looking at. I feel the same way about my novel at present - it's just sitting there waiting to be sorted - but my brain has gone to mush.

I'm going to take the rest of the night off. I have the house to myself, shall pour a glass of wine and indulge in mindless TV. I know I should be making an attempt to either write, sort washing or organise photos but I just can't get it together. I really NEED chocolate. I really NEED a week in a remote cottage with no washing begging for attenion. I need a life coach who specialises in washing and photos - just for starters.

Tethered to the desk

After several weeks of frustration that threatened to send my blood pressure to critical I have finally got to face the fact that my beloved wireless Internet access is now denied me. I have had the friendly (but expensive!!) IT guy out 4 times in the past 3 three weeks and he has changed routers, upgraded software, downloaded all kinds of techie things but no avail...I even howled at the full moon last week looking for an answer but no joy. I get connected but then it drops me off on a whim!!! I can't take it anymore and have resorted back to my faithful 'cabled' connection. I am weeping as I loved the freedom of being able to move around the house and garden to write and work.

There is no definitive reason for why this cruel thing is happening to me - the IT guru thinks that maybe someone in my neighbourhood has recently had something installed that is interfering with my network. It better not be some sweaty oaf watching porn on some dodgy little wireless set up in his shed!!!!! I feel the need to become a midnight vigilante and stalk my neighbourhood looking for glowing lights in sheds and subversive neon winking out from bedrooms.

Ah woe is me. No actually I have decided to pull myself together and get over it. I have invested enough time and money in it and now I have to put it behind me and move on. I can't quite bear to banish my shiny, silver router to a cupboard just yet though so it shall remain on my desk - a cruel reminder of the freedom I enjoyed last year and that I am now tethered ...my mobility to roam with laptop in hand gone for now. I'm hopeful that it may one day start working as mysteriously as it stopped working.

To cheer myself up I may need to purchase something new for my study - since I am now bound to it. A Le Corbusier couch springs to mind (see pic above) - its gorgeous and I have lusted after one for years ever since a friend bought one!!! Hmmmm shall have to go and check the pennies in the treats jar and see if I have enough!