Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Fairy God Mother Wanted

Radiotherapy is wearing me out. I want it to be over NOW. I thought I was doing pretty good with it but now I am so weary I can't remember what it feels like not to be knackered. I have a bright red rash on my chest that barely cools down even with an ice pack on it. I have random, fleeting aches throughout my body which force my imagination into overdrive. Don't think there are any body parts that I haven't self diagnosed with cancer in the past 24hrs. Every twinge is something sinister. I hate this bit of having cancer more than anything else. If I was a squillionaire I would buy every diagnostic bit of machinery on the market and hop into one every time I felt a twinge. Anything for peace of mind. When my body gets weary and my mind follows - that's it - I need one of them to be working well to keep me going. I try and hang onto the thought that very soon I will not be having invasive treatment and each day takes me further away from cancer. It's just a hard slog at the moment. I'd like a fairy godmother with a wand to fix it today.

4 comments:

JJ Beattie said...

In truth, I can't imagine how hard this is for you - the sheer slog of it... But you are so near the end of treatment now... Keep your chin up. You'll get there.

Big hugs to you.

Leatherdykeuk said...

I wish I could fix it for you.
My very best wishes.

liz fenwick said...

Hugs.
lx

NoviceNovelist said...

Thank you JJ, Liz & Leatherdyke - I really appreciate your kind words and thoughts - thankfully the dark cloud from yday has passed on.