My summer clothes have all been washed and put away and my body is rebelling at the number of layers I'm forcing it to wear. It is cold here - thank god for hot water bottles. I have one shoved up the back of my jumper and I'm contemplating putting on my fingerless gloves. It's hard to believe that exactly one week ago I was at a beachside cafe devouring scrambled eggs whilst wearing my still damp swimmers and gazing out over the ocean. Ahhh.
The reason I spent 6 weeks in Oz was that my Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in late October. He was given 6-9months. I wasn't going to blog about it but I realised I need to. Blogging for me is the equivalent of writing morning pages. This is a huge part of what is going on in my life at present and to ignore it and keep it from my writing doesn't feel right. I don't feel great writing about it and probably won't reread the paragraph above - it is very raw.
My trip home was filled with laughter and tears. I went home with thoughts that I could help my Mum with caring for Dad directly but actually I soon realised that is Mum's role and one she wants. They've been married for 46years so I understand that. So I realised that my role was to support Mum. We had quite an assembly line of support going on! Some days I realised that doing the vacuuming and making sandwiches for lunch was a great thing to be doing and I'm sad that I'm not there at the moment to do it.
Mum and Dad both have big families scattered around the globe and next week three of Dad's siblings arrive to visit and help out. They have all asked me what I think is the best thing they can do to help out - I said 'cook meals, clean house and make sure Mum gets to go out into the world, even if it is just to shop or visit friends - and keep Dad company.' I'm trying to work out when I should return home again - that is the tricky part. I'm going to put faith in hoping that I will just know but I'm OK with it not working to any plan. That doesn't ease the sadness but what possibly could?
On a positive creative note - I am going to submit my novel to an agent this week. I've decided on a single submission at this stage but I have a back up list if this one doesn't pan out. I just decided that I really like this agent and the way he works so feel like just submitting to him at present. I'm going to print off my submission today, proof it (again!!!!!) have my husband proof it (again!!!) and then pop it in the post tomorrow and then commence Novel number 2 in earnest. If I didn't have my fictitious worlds to disappear into at the moment I would probably go a little mad. There is only so much reality a person can take at times.
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3 comments:
So sorry to hear about your dad. Looking after the carer is the best thing anyone can do to help.
Good luck with the submission. Fingers crossed for you.
Getting lost in writing helps so much doesn't it:-)
Thanks Lane for your thoughts - writing is a wonderful escape!
Ouch. Just catching up with you... really sorry to hear about your Dad. It's a really difficult situation because 6-9 months doesn't necessarily mean 6-9 months, these things are very hard to predict, it could be 3 months or 18 months or... nobody knows for sure. And I imagine that the distance makes it harder to bear. Do look after yourself, as well, won't you? And very best of luck with the submission.
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